Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
