I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
