So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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