Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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