white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
