It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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