If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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