There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
