God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
