How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
