in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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