she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
