I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
