K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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