She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize