Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
