So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
