she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i have herpe
just one?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Holy shit dude........stairs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
