People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
