so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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