I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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