remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
