We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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