pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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