He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
