it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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