I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
