Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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