I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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