i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
