I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
