What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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