Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
