Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just cut my nipple shaving
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize