dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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