Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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