Can i not drive my cunt home
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
