they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
