I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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