god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
