She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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