it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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