So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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