I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
