those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
