I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
