I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
