when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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