Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
