put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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