So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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