it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
