Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
