No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Congratulations! We have a period
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
