Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
