I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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