Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
