i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
