i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
did i walk over a car last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
