I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
