he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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