I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
