Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
