I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
