My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
