I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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