just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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