My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
