No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize