So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
